As mother’s day nears, it brings up many mixed emotions for me. Every year since I was a teenager, I’d attend church services and they’d have the young men, or young women hand out gifts to the mother’s on Mother’s day. I always thought someday that would be me. Even at 14, I knew my mission in life was to be a mommy, I longed for it, thirsted for it.
When I got married in 2005 at 24 years old, I anxiously waited for that Sunday mother’s day where I could celebrate with joy the birth of my own child. That first spring came and went, and then another. Eight to Nine more years would come before we were anywhere near able to afford to see a fertility specialist. Each year brought more pain and bitterness towards mother’s day, attending church with so many babies became a burden. I was happy that so many others had wonderful families, don’t get me wrong, but I was sad and frankly envious. So many women around me can just think about pregnancy and magically a baby appears in their stomach, but I had to go through 8 rounds of IVF and 5 miscarriages to get our miracle (due this July).
Now that I’ve been through the gauntlet, and come out on the other-side (almost, he’s not here yet), I feel like my perspective is different. I feel like motherhood is definitely something that demands respect, mother’s put in 100+ hours per week, and they are always on call, but I think we should also take a moment to honor those women sitting in the shadows, who thirst to be mommies and suffer in silence.
The first part of this article is a plea to those mother’s and sister’s and anyone who knows a woman who is struggling with infertility to be sensitive around them this weekend, be a shoulder to cry on if they need it.
One way to survive mother’s day is to focus on yourself. Make it a day of pampering. Yes, it sucks to be childless, but you can try to look on the bright side and enjoy the extra time for yourself. Do something for you, take a mini vacation or do something else for yourself, you’ve been through the ringer – you deserve it.
Being a mother has a lot of responsibilities, and you can’t always run to the spa, or go get a makeover. Enjoy your freedom, and take care of yourself, you deserve something to take away the stress.
Some activities to do on mother’s day you can do:
- Go on a hike, skip church that weekend and spend the day hiking with your SO. Simply enjoy the peace and tranquility of nature.
- Go to the spa, get a manicure, a makeover – do something to make you feel good about being you. Leave the rest of your cares outside.
- Schedule a cruise, or other vacation, or even a stay-cation that weekend, so you can enjoy being alone with your spouse.
- Go to a more mature/adult catered movie where children won’t likely show up.
- Go pick some flowers out at a nursery and bring them home and put them in a vase
Another way to survive mother’s day, is focus on the mother’s in your life and what they mean to you. Your mother, your grandmother, or even an aunt who’s meant a lot to you. Cherish these relationships, visit them, enjoy their company – you never know when the Lord will take them out of your life, you should cherish every moment, and Mother’s day is a good day to focus on those relationships instead of pining over your lack of children, or your ‘identity’ as a mother.
No matter how many of these things you try, I know it can be hard. I am 8 months pregnant and every day I fear that something bad will happen, because it’s really hard to believe that I’m almost a mommy, my heart goes out to all my sister’s who walk the path of infertility, I hope and pray that you make it through this day unscathed.